[Fixing...]
[2003-04-30] @ [3:13 p.m.]
You know how I wrote about the life of Sara?? Well, I expanded on that idea and I wrote down what I did today. I'm trying to practice writing things down as I think them so that I can get a better idea of how my day was. So, without further ado, here it is...So many emotions are running through my head. �I can handle it,� I say to myself. There are so many things I go through that mold my life. The last mood I feel is the feeling I get. It�s sort of like a raffle. I�m at work now, starting to get ready to work by turning on the computers. I sit down and look around. Let�s see what there is to do today...For a split second I become afraid, remembering the past situations: thinking that if I do one thing wrong, it will ruin me and they (my boss, the company, my mom) will be mad. Then the worry slowly fades away. I turn the radio on, and then I put it down because
1)It might be too loud and
2)It�s just talking right now.
So I turn it back down and start to work. Let�s see: Mail, paperwork, or filing? Mail comes first. I stuff letters in the envelopes, trying hard not to give myself a paper cut. While I do that my boss is talking on the phone. I hear my co-worker down the hall. I know I�ve got to work now, but there is so much I need to work though emotionally. I should have done it in the morning, when there was time. Now there�s nothing I could do but do through them. Suddenly, the president of the company walks in. �Howdy,� he says to me. He wants to use the fax machine. Oh great. That means he�ll be behind me the whole time he is trying to fax it. Ok. Just don�t do anything so that he suspects anything. Of course, I�m not doing anything wrong. I�m just writing every feeling down. After a while, the fax is not going through. I look at the fax, and see that it needs to be scanned first, then it will send. Should I tell him? Should he find out for himself what he should do? He�s not going to bite if I tell him he did something wrong. It just doesn�t have to sound like he did it wrong. So I asked him, �Did the fax scan first?� He tells me no. So I explain what he needs to do to get it through. And it works. He walks away. Good.
After a while of gluing the letters closed, I realize that I need more glue. A quick look in my drawer tells me that I need more big envelopes too. I get up and walk down the hall to the storage closet, which is in the Accounting dept. I walk in, and the manager of the department is sitting down at her desk. I have a little chat with her while I�m getting what I need, and leave quickly. As I walk in my office, my co-worker is putting on the radio. The good thing about him is that we both like the same radio station: 97X. We talk for awhile, and then it�s back to work. Stuffing and gluing, stuffing and gluing. I need to write addresses on some of the envelopes too. Whoops, I made a boo-boo. So I grab the white out and fix it. A drop of white out runs down and falls on my finger. Wonderful...but I know that it will wash off. So I don�t worry about it. I�m glad I get the mail done, because my boss picks it all up and sends it downstairs. Now what to do? I look at the pile of work that needs to be done. I look through it and see what I can do. My boss gives me deposits to do. She also reminds me that I need to do the monthly ending report. I know that I need to do this, but not to be rude and tell her this, I nod and smile to affirm this. When she walks away, I yawn. I get tired all of a sudden. But it�s no time for a nap.
Work, work, work. I need to pick up the phone. It's a client. We talk about this and that. I laugh and nod in agreement. �I know how it is...� Although I might not know how it feels to be stuck in debt, I want them to feel safe and confident that they are doing the right thing. I give words to encourage and assure the person that we are trying our best to work with them. I get some work done and put it in a pile to file. I look up and see that there is more work for me to do. Another phone call rings in.
I�m trying to help the best I can, but sometimes I feel that I can�t do it. I feel that sometimes I fail to do my job, and I fail the clients. Some of them get really angry because they want to be finished with this program, and some of these people have just started. All these emotions running, and its only 10:25 am. I�ve got to do more work. I�ve got to fix the mistakes.
~Silverluna
~ silverluna