[My conversation with L]
[2010-09-15] @ [11:10 p.m.]
11:52pm MeI don't play to get attention
11:53pm L
i feel relief when i sing
11:53pm Me
i do too
11:53pm L
sometimes
11:53pm Me
it's like taking everything and letting it out through my voice and giving it to God
11:53pm L
thats a really good way of putting it
i like it
i wish i felt that stuff more
i could use it
11:54pm Me
all you have to do is have that desire to be more connected with God
it's not like my relationship with God is perfect
most of the time i feel disconnected
i'm still learning
11:56pm Me
i'll always be learning
i am not perfect
11:57pm L
:(:(
im just so broken
physically and mentally
11:57pm Me
that's the best time
11:57pm L
i need something to pull me out
11:58pm Me
i can only do so much
12:00am L
yea
i want to sing in church
12:01am Me
you're going to have to understand where you are at this point in your life and how God fits in
because without understanding that it's just performing
12:02am L
yeah true
12:02am Me
you've done all that you can do
life is not suppose to be about stressing and worrying
12:03am L
i hear ya
12:04am Me
you know how i got through what i went through?
12:04am L
?
12:04am Me
you know that feeling of true bliss when you're so happy and so in love?
when i started to understand more about God and my place in his plan
i started getting the same feeling
12:05am L
thats so good
12:05am Me
but it feels even greater
times 100,000
even better than feeling in complete peace
like they say you can be at when you do yoga
12:06am L
wow
12:06am Me
those negative thoughts will always be in your mind
but when you understand your place with God
they won't matter
12:07am L
are you over the shawn thing?
12:07am Me
yeah i think i am
i can't do anything about it
i had to give it up to God every day
every night I would cry my eyes about it
i hated feeling that way
i didn't want to have a pity party for the rest of my life
every night i would cry and talk to God
and every morning i felt lighter
until i realized that God is taking care of things in my life
He gives us every good and perfect thing
12:09am L
that really makes me want to go to church
12:09am Me
another thing
you don't have to go to "church" to be in "church"
lol
we can hang out and talk about God
and that is church
that is what it is suppose to be
we are having church right now :):)
it's about community
12:10am L
thats a good way of looking at it
12:10am Me
and helping each other connect closer to God
church on sunday is a good way to remember to connect with God
but you can connect with him every day
whenever you want
it's pretty awesome
the church is there to bring everyone together and to keep each other accountable
because our minds are tricky, and we can believe one thing
and if we don't listen to other's opinions and interpretations of God and the Bible
we'd have our own individual thoughts on who God is
that's why there are denominations
12:13am L
that makes sense
12:14am Me
people's opinions separated the church
because even the catholics have some truth
they're very good with methods and the way they do things
but they are missing the relationship part of who God is
ahh anyways I'm talking alot!!
12:16am L
no this all makes a lot of sense
you seem to really know what youre talking about.
12:16am Me
i've thought a lot about it
i want to make sure i understand what i'm talking about
just like when nelson became a christian last year
i asked him if he knew what he was doing
because without understanding it won't stick
it will be just another religion
12:19am Me
you know I was thinking today
and two phrases popped in my head
"all or nothing" and "are you in or out"
and i thought to myself, i really need to make a decision
because i've been floating both ways nowadays
12:21am L
hmm
12:21am Me
either i have to be fully committed with God or fully against Him
and it does scare me when i think about the future
12:22am L
of course
12:22am Me
and what would happen if i chose one way or another
i can't be in the middle anymore
12:23am L
i know what you mean
12:23am Me
even though you might think I was "holier than thou" I really haven't been
not that I was doing anything bad
but i haven't been doing all that I could have been doing
see how much I've been thinking? lol
12:25am L
nothing wrong with that
12:25am Me
it's really insane how much i talk to myself and God about everything that is going on
12:25am L
ive been horrible to graham.. and i keep making it worse
you have someone to talk to
its wonderful
12:26am Me
well
you have me to talk to
and God
12:26am L
thankyou
12:26am Me
and you can talk all you want
:):)
I always pray for you L
12:26am L
thank you
12:26am Me
and I pray about your health
12:26am L
please do
12:27am Me
I still don't understand all that God can do
the Bible says he can heal. And I have seen it before
i knew a girl that was deaf and she was healed
it's like it's too good to be true
all your need is to have a little faith
it takes a while to grow faith
because faith also means trust
and with what we have been through, i know it's hard for me to trust people
guys especially
there's SO MUCH more though
so much more about God
the best part is that you don't need to feel like you can't have what I have
and you don't have to cleanse yourself to be good enough to be accepted
12:33am L
i hope so
12:33am Me
in the lowest low of a person's life is the best time to find Him
i know so
i keep messing up all the time
but i know what i need to work on in my life
and they only way i can accomplish change in me is with God's help
12:34am L
i need to find him too
12:34am Me
well he's here
someone told me that
when you are at rock bottom
he is there holding the other side of the rope
to pull you back up
12:36am L
that would be so nice
~ silverluna