[Finally!!]
[2003-05-28] @ [1:47 p.m.]
Ok, I've got A LOT to write...Friday I didn't go to work. I went and took a driving class for that ticket I got. My brother went with me too, because he got a ticket too. Isn't that interesting? We usually go everywhere together. And now we went through this together. It felt really good that he was there too. The teacher was this really old guy. Looks like he needed to retire NOW, but I guess he likes his job. He reminded me of that skinny cop guy from those Ernest movies, like "Ernest goes to jail", um...that's all I remember from them. Anyways. He was so cute! He would always say, "Now, lets get back to the VIDEO!" with an emphasis on "video". We couldn't help but laugh. But we weren't laughing in a bad way...
Friday night changed so quickly. That was the night when I blew up. I was late for church, and then my dad said he deposited my check in the wrong account, so I had to call to see if it was corrected. While all this was happening, my brother was playing around with my sister. I HAD IT! I was so angry with my brother that I yelled at him, which I shouldn�t have done in the first place. I felt so bad when I went to church. The anger went away after a while, but I knew it was still there.
Saturday I went to a leadership meeting. I wasn�t really in tune with what was going on because I was still angry, and I wanted to get rid of it. Saturday night changed everything. I hate it when our room is so cluttered and there is no room for anything. My sister started to clean it, but it made a bigger mess than what it was before. So I had to help her. I wanted to do to Fire By Night that night as well, but knowing that I had to clean now, I couldn�t go. I got angry again, and evil spew out of me as I was cleaning. That was the last straw. I didn�t want to be that way. I don�t want to be like that again. So I went to my brother�s room and broke down crying. I hated the anger. I didn�t want it. So I started writing, and I realized that I angry because of ME. I didn�t get the things I wanted and my life isn�t the way I wanted it. But it�s not about me, is it? I prayed to God that he would help me through all this anger in my life. And I wrote two more poems in the process. After all that, I felt true peace. It was a little hard to get back into worship Sunday morning. It felt like I wasn�t connected anymore, but soon I got a little closer and closer to Him.
Memorial Monday was great! I got to hang out with my friend Sobe all day long. When she came to pick me up, the first thing we went to do was go to Sam Ash. And you know what?
Finally! That�s one less thing off my to-do list. It�s great! It�s a red Carlo Robelli (spelling?) acoustic guitar. I�m so excited. When we got to her house, she taught me some chords and we played some songs. It was when I got home with the instrument that there was some trouble. When I came in the house, he said, �So, you really want to play the guitar?� I know he was a little bothered because I got it without help from someone more knowledgeable. I told him how much I got it for, and he did like it. He played with it, and then asked me why I didn�t get nylon strings. He said they sound better. He�s always picky. But I know that it will be a lot better for me and my fingers. He also said that it is too big for me. I don�t really thing it is big, but what he was saying was getting me a little down. But then I knew that I shouldn�t think like that. I told him, �At least I tried to get a guitar. If you want to do something, you don�t think about it, you do it, right?� It gave me more confidence. Tuesday morning I woke up and after I fixed up the house, I picked it up and played some more. I brought it to practice that night and got to play some too. I can�t wait to learn more, and then I might be able to put some songs together.
Today is Wednesday. (I have to remind myself now, because I had a 6 day vacation!) I get to go to Joe�s graduation today, and Chris is picking me up. Wow, I�m going to hang out with the two high school friends that I almost never got to hang out with! It�s been two years, and now we are all graduated! I can�t wait to go...
~ silverluna