[The emptiness]
[2003-03-10] @ [8:30 a.m.]
I hate feeling like this. These feelings are coming back into my life again. Why don't they just go away? I know that I'm not alone, but I want someone. And now I'm back to where I started. Great...I'm trying not to feel this way, but when the person I once cared for so much comes back into my life, I can't hide the feelings. I have know this person for so long, and been through so much with him. I know that I have to write this all down, or else I will not be able to work today.You know, it's not really because I love him. I mean, I do love him, but not in the way that I used to. It's because I miss the time I had with him, the moments when we would talk on the phone for hours. When we used to hang out and watch a movie together. I miss his friendship.
He came to my house a few days ago, and we talked about a couple of things in his life. We both knew that it was weird to talk to each other again. I could see that he was sort of uncomfortable, but I was glad that he came to me with his problems. I DID tell him that I will always be there for him. And I know that I have to be there, but because of these stupid feelings, I don't know if I can. I know they will never go away. I've tried to get rid of them, but it's no use.
If I only knew the consequences of me getting to know him, then I would have never gotten myself in this kind of mess. I want to get off of this emotional roller coaster. I don't like this anymore. And I hate it when I am like this, because I tend to let my anger out on others... I wish this can go away.
~Silverluna
~ silverluna